March 20, 2008 was the hardest day of my life. It was the day Grace was born. Right after Grace was delivered (c section) I saw the nurse pass me carrying my baby away. I remember thinking, "There is my baby. I should hold her but I'm so tired...." And at that point I fell asleep on the operating table(the doctor had just shot me up with "something for the shaking") Motherhood hit me hard. I wasn't one of those mothers who felt am immediate bond and an outpouring of love. I knew I loved my baby but things were much much harder then I thought they would be. But as each day passes I fall a little more in love with my sweet girl. I love her fresh baby smell. I love the way the hair on the back of her head is all curly after her bath. I love the funny way she smacks her lips or clicks her tongue as she crawls around the apartment. I love the way she presses her forehead against mine and snuggles. A few weeks ago it hit me that my little girl will grow up. At this thought I felt an intense outpouring of nostalgia. It was like a physical ache. This may seem ridiculous as this week she turns a wee 9 months old. It seems unbelievable that she is that old but at the same time it seems like she has always been with me. And so I have determined to try a little bit harder to make my home more like heaven on earth. To fill my life and hers with happy loving moments. Because overall our lives are made up and measured by those fleeting magical moments.
4 comments:
that was so beautifully written! I love moments in life when you just feel like writing something that inspires. I think I was a little the same as you, when Celah was born- (I have written about this before) I felt a little detached and out of my body. But, its true that with each moment- bonds are formed and we realize what a real blessing it is to be able to be with our families forever! thanks for the good read.
Thanks- I was afraid the first sentence was a little too drastic :)
I am sorry to hear that your delivery was hard. I had the shakes BAD after the twins came out, I was holding conner and shaking everywhere uncontrolably. I kept saying "SOMEONE TAKE MY BABY, Iwill drop him on the flooor" Everyone just ignored me! (hubby couldnt take him because he was holding asher). Finally someone took him and I got my freaky shakes out- but they never gave me drugs. It was a natural birth which actually helped me bond with my twins right off (I still am giong for the drugs next time)
I really enjoyed reading that! Thanks for sharing that. It's interesting to know what each person goes through in a major life changing event such as that.
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